Grimmauld Place No 12
by C.F.Snape
Summary: Series of drabbles/one shots (connected to each other) of a young witch who met Severus Snape between two wars. AU, EWE.
1. Chapter 1

**1\. (Prologue – in a way)**

'Sirius, I already told you I'm not interested,' Emily hissed while chopping the plants furiously.

'Oh, come on, I know that you find me attractive, I can see it in your eyes,' the wizard drawled with a coy smile. He stepped closer to her and eyed her ass.

'Then you should go and see an optometrist,' the witch replied and dropped the chopped roots in the cauldron.

'A what?'

'Your eyesight is poor. I'm not attracted to you, Sirius. I already told you that.' Emily was getting really tired of him. He stepped closer again, he was standing right next to her. He leaned closer to her.

'Emily,' he purred, she stepped away from him and rounded the table.

'Sirius, I swear if you don't leave me alone once and for all, I will hex you.'

The man laughed.

'You would do no such thing! You're too nice to do that!' and he stepped closer again.

'Sirius, I'm counting to three! One …'

'Just one dinner!'

'Two …'

'You're so pretty when you're angry!'

'THREE!'

Severus arrived to the lab's door when he heard a howl inside from the room. He pulled out his wand and he wanted to step inside but he crashed into something. It was Sirius.

'Black, what did you do?' Snape hissed.

'Fuck off, Snivellus' the other wizard replied and with a pained expression he hurried upstairs. Snape looked around and saw Emily behind the table, wand in her hand.

'Emily? What happened?'

She cleared her throat and put down her wand.

'It's nothing.'

'Nothing?'

The witch shuffled on her feet and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

'Well… Sirius was asking me out for a while now. I always said him no, I told him I'm not interested.'

Suddenly, Snape felt the anger boiling in him. He stepped closer.

'Did he…?' he asked in a soft voice.

For a moment, Emily was confused.

'What do you mean? Oh … no! He didn't hurt me or touch me. He just didn't stop talking and telling me that I should date him. It was getting really frustrating.'

'And what did you do?'

'I hexed him with the pus-squirting hex.'

Snape looked puzzled.

'It didn't work, his nose was ordinary.'

For Severus' surprise, Emily grinned.

'Oh, I didn't aim for his nose.'

It took several seconds for Snape to understand what she was hinting at. He gaped.

'You didn't …' was all he could say. She shrugged.

'Well, he wasn't thinking with his brain on his neck at that moment so I aimed for his other brain in his pants.' Her face flushed and she continued to chop the ingredients. 'So, Professor, can we continue the work? I already –'

'Severus,' he said breathily.

Emily snapped up her head.

'What did you say?'

He cleared his throat. 'I said "Severus". You may call me Severus. Since … since we are working together, it would be more convenient.'

She smiled at him.

'Alright, Severus.' When she said out loud his name, he felt something warm in his chest. 'But then you have to call me Emily.'

'Of course, Emily.'

From then on, Sirius never showed any interest in Emily.

* * *

 _ **I didn't want to post this for a while since there aren't more chapters ready but after today's events... There was a period in my life when I was listening to David Bowie songs because they helped me to carry on. He died January 10. I was very sad about it. And today when I was sitting at my desk at work and refreshed my tumblr dashboard, I saw that Alan Rickman died too. I didn't want to believe it and I still can't believe it. I'm sitting here, drinking wine and bawling. I wanted to do something and I thought that starting a new story will help me - and hopefully to you also - to survive this huge loss. Sadly, I have a relative big experience in loss and grief so here's my advice: don't be afraid and ashamed to cry. Even if we didn't know Alan in person, he gave us so much as Snape, or as other characters, or as himself, that his death is a real loss for every fan. Cry, remember, post pictures of him - do anything that will help you to mourn.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Don't own anything except my fantasy._

* * *

2.

It was kind of awkward being there. She sat in a gloomy dark room lit by gas lamps, more precisely, with magical gas lamps. Emily was surrounded by a dozen witches and wizards. It would have been enough for her to sit there with people whom she didn't know – except one witch – but they were arguing over her. It was the beginning of July 1995 and the 20 year old witch wasn't still sure that it was the right decision to say 'yes' to her aunt who happened to be Minerva McGonagall.

McGonagall visited her a week ago in her small flat in Diagon Alley. Emily just returned home from work: she at Mr Mulpepper's Apothecary as an assistant for two years now. The Transfiguration Mistress' visit was short but a surprising one. She told her niece that the Order of the Phoenix needed new members. Emily was surprised and protested saying she didn't think about herself as an exceptionally skilled witch and she thought that she wouldn't be good enough to be a member. McGonagall hushed her quickly, 'Nonsense, Emily. You're a talented witch and its's high time for you to do more than stocking powdered unicorn horn in a dingy little shop.' Reluctantly, Emily agreed to participate on a meeting.

'Minerva, I am perfectly capable to do my work alone. I don't need any assistance,' a tall, dark man in black robes said in a low voice. His onyx eyes pierced Emily's green ones as he talked and the younger witch blushed.

'You need help, Severus and that is that. Albus agreed.'

'She's not qualified, she didn't even attend Hogwarts!' Snape spat.

'She was home-schooled and she has 5 NEWTs including one in Potions. She is perfectly capable to help you with more complex potions, too.'

Snape huffed and crossed his arms.

'I wouldn't mind having her in the Order,' said Sirius Black with a flirty smile. Emily furrowed her brows and sighed. She noticed that Sirius was handsome but he wasn't her type.

'Thank you, Sirius,' said McGonagall slightly annoyed then she turned back to Snape. 'You know perfectly well, Severus that you can't veto the adding of a new member. If the majority of the members say yes, she will be the new member.'

Snape sneered but said nothing.

'Now who is for accepting Emily as the new member of the Order?'

Everyone but Snape held up their wands.

'And who is against accepting her?'

Snape raised his wand.

'The result is unequivocal. Emily Graham, welcome to the Order of the Phoenix,' said McGonagall with a smile.

The members stood up and applauded. Emily smiled shyly while Snape jumped up from his seat and stormed out from the room. Several seconds they heard the loud slam of the front door.


	3. Chapter 3

Emily spent Sunday evening in her room, reading. She felt the need to read through her Potions notes before starting her semi-apprenticeship with Snape. She didn't know what to think about him. He was dour and it seemed that he already decided to hate her but yet, there was something in him – Emily couldn't put a finger on it what it was – that made him… interesting. Still, the witch was nervous since she knew what a renowned Potions Master Snape was and she didn't want to embarrass herself in front of him.

The other reason she stayed in her room was that Sirius Black annoyed her. As far as Emily knew, he wasn't allowed to leave Grimmauld Place and the captivity made him fidgety. This amplified his already quite flirtatious nature and he didn't waste time to try to woo Emily. She wasn't blind, she saw that Sirius was handsome and he was likeable but simply he wasn't her type. Emily didn't want to hurt him, so she rejected him very politely a number of times and when she had the opportunity, she hid in her room surrounded by her beloved books.

~0~

'Miss Graham, your aunt informed me that you had your OWLs in Potions.'

'Yes, Mister Snape. And, erm, you can call me Emily.'

Snape raised an eyebrow.

'We'll see how our – ah – cooperation works out, _Miss Graham_ ,' he answered with a sneer and turned around to check on a bubbling cauldron. Emily rolled her eyes.

'For most people, an OWL would be enough to prove one's capability to brew the more difficult potions,' he said turning back to her, his voice low, 'I'm more meticulous. Before I will allow you to assist me with anything, I would like to see your brewing skills.' He flicked his wand a parchment emerged from nowhere. 'Here's a list of five potions which you have to brew until tonight. I don't care if you make the potions without a break or take time to have lunch or tea – you're an adult witch, you can manage your time. Just finish the potions before the deadline.'

'Alright, Mister Snape.'

He nodded.

'The ingredients are on the shelves and you can use that cauldron,' he pointed to the other side of the room.

'Thank you,' she replied and started to read the list. She was slightly relieved, she knew every concoction on the parchment by heart. She put back the parchment to the desk and hurried to the shelf to gather the ingredients. Snape eyed her.

'One more thing, Miss Graham.' The witch turned to him. 'I like to work in silence. Unless it is utmost important, please, refrain from babbling in the lab.'

'It's alright, Mister Snape. I don't talk too much either.'

The only thing Emily said to Snape during that day, when she announced that she will having lunch. He asked him if he would join her but he said that he wasn't hungry. The only thing he consumed was tea.

At exactly 6 in the evening, Emily put down five vials before Snape. Without a word, he grabbed the vials, poured their contents in several bowls and performed some diagnostic spells over the bowls. Emily was sweating, she felt like a school girl. After a minute or so, Snape vanished the liquids from the bowls and turned to Emily.

'Be here at 8 o'clock tomorrow morning. You'll be brewing Blood-Replenishing Potions in large measures, nowadays, we can't get enough of them. You're dismissed.' With that he turned back to his cauldron.

Emily whispered 'thank you' and scurried out of the room. Only when she was in the hall dared to let out the air she held.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

Emily woke up suddenly when her alarm clock went off. She tried to sit up but her head was pounding and her throat felt sore. She fell back on her pillows.

'Just five more minutes,' she murmured sleepily. 'Just five more minutes …'

~0~

Snape was pacing angrily in the lab.

'Where the hell is that stupid girl?' he spat. It was half past 8 and Emily was late. 'I knew I shouldn't have agreed to this bloody … thing.'

The dark wizard ran out of the room and hurried up the stairs. He stopped at Emily's door and banged on it.

'Miss Graham! You're late!'

He didn't get any answer. He was now so angry he felt like he could explode.

'Miss Graham! It is well past 8! If you don't come out in an instant, I will finish our agreement!'

Still nothing.

'Shit,' he murmured and opened the door roughly. At first he didn't see anything because the curtains were drawn. Snape squinted and finally noticed a body-sized lump on the bed.

'I can't believe she's still sleeping,' he spat and went to open the curtains. The sunlight blinded him for a second. 'Wake up, Miss Graham!' he shouted and turned to the bed. At least she opened her eyes and tried to focus.

'Mister Snape?' her voice was weak and throaty. 'What is it?' She sat up and moved to stand up but she couldn't. It was the moment when Snape realized that something was wrong. Emily was pale and her skin was sweaty. The wizard moved closer.

'Are you ill, Miss Graham?'

'I … no … I just … a bit tired … and dizzy. I'm sorry. I know I'm late. Just give me 5 minutes … and I'll be down,' she said, her voice was not too convincing. Snape stepped closer and tentatively put a hand on Emily's forehead. She gasped slightly.

'You have fever, Miss Graham. You can't work like this. Go back to bed. I'll bring you some potions.' His voice was low but the anger dissipated from it. Emily obeyed and laid down on the bed. A few minutes later Snape came back with the potions and helped Emily to take them. A minute later she was asleep.

Snape closed the curtains and left the room. At the exact moment, Sirius stepped out from his room.

'Snivellus! What are you doing in Emily's room?' he asked suspiciously.

'Get off, Black,' he spat and went down the hall. Sirius followed him and grabbed his arm. Snape turned around with his wand pulled out.

'Wait, Snape! What were you doing there?'

'That is none of your business,' Snape hissed.

'If you hurt her, Snape, I swear –'

'She is ill, if you want to know and I gave her potions. She is asleep. Now, crawl back to your hole and leave her alone.'

With murmured swearing Sirius disappeared in his room and Snape headed to the drawing room. He took a handful of Floo powder from the mantelpiece and threw it in the fireplace.

'The Burrow,' Snape said and a few seconds later he saw Molly Weasley's head in the green flames.

'Oh, Severus, what a surprise!'

'Molly, I'm afraid I need your help.'

'What is wrong, Severus?'

'Miss Graham is ill. I gave her potions but someone should monitor her condition. If you could …'

'Of course, I'll be there in an hour.'

'Thank you, Molly.'

~0~

The third time Emily woke up that day was much more pleasant than the two other occasions. She still felt weak but her headache was gone and her throat didn't feel like full of spikes. She crawled out of the bed and slowly went to the window to open the curtains. There was a knock on her door.

'Come in,' she said and waited the visitor to come in. It was Molly Weasley a tray levitating before her – Emily was for some reason disappointed.

'Emily, dear, do you feel better?' The younger witch nodded and went back to the bed.

'Molly, I thought you won't be back until Friday.' Mrs Weasley levitated the tray in Emily's lap. There were a bowl of hot chicken soup, crackers and glass of orange juice.

'That was the plan but Severus asked me to come here.'

Emily's head snapped up.

'What?'

Mrs Weasley smoothed down the covers on Emily's bed and put a hand on her forehead.

'Oh, yes, Severus asked me to come here and see if you feel better. Your fever is gone, dear, and according to the Severus, you'll be fine by the morning. Now, eat up your soup, it will gave your strength back. I'll come back later for the tray.' With that, Mrs Weasley left the room and a baffled Emily started to eat.

~0~

The next morning exactly at 8, Emily stepped in the lab finding Snape already working.

'Good morning, Mister Snape,' she said with a smile.

'Good morning, Miss Graham. Are you feeling better?' he asked with an indifferent voice without looking at her.

'Yes.'

He nodded.

'Then start to work, Miss Graham. We're one day behind the schedule.'

'Yes, Mister Snape.' Emily went to her cauldron and started to prepare the ingredients. 'By the way, sir, thank you. For the potions. And for calling Molly.' She looked at him. Snape stopped in his movements and looked at her. Without saying a word he nodded at her and Emily was fairly certain she saw the shadow of a smile almost appearing on his face.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

'Go to sleep, Emily,' Snape said in a low voice. Since the witch emphasized with a hex that she's not reciprocating Sirius' attraction, she and Snape were on a first name base. Of course, Severus never told her that her spell work was the reason for it but Emily put two and two together – the enemy of Snape's enemy is, well, not Snape's friend but a person who Snape tolerates more than he tolerates other people.

Emily and Snape were sitting in the lab at Grimmauld Place, they were working on a very difficult potion which had to simmer through the night. However, they didn't know how much time it takes: the mixture of the ingredients was very delicate and it was slightly different every time. Basically, the potioneer had to watch the brew until it reached a special shade of green.

'No, I want to stay,' the witch argued then yawned.

Snape sighed.

'You were here all day long, you need to sleep.'

'You need to sleep to,' shot back Emily. 'You look like shit.'

Snape snorted.

'I'm sorry but you do,' the witch added with a smile.

'Sleep is overrated,' Snape murmured and scribbled down something on a parchment. Emily sighed.

'I can sleep here.' Snape turned around and looked at her like she was crazy. 'It's just … It is such a rare occasion to be able to make this potion. I don't want to miss the opportunity.' She stepped closer to the wizard. 'Please, Severus …'

Hearing his name coming from her mouth, suddenly Snape felt something warm in his chest. To hide his surprise, he cleared his throat.

'Very well.' With a flick of his wand he transfigured a chair to a small sofa and levitated it to the wall. With another flick of his wand, he transfigured Emily's protective robes to a pillow and put it on the sofa. Without a word, he motioned her towards the sofa. Emily couldn't help but smile and lied down.

'You will wake me before the potion will be ready, won't you?'

'I will. Now sleep,' he replied without looking at her.

'Good night, Severus, and thank you,' she murmured and within minutes she fell asleep. For a while, Severus listened to her steady breath then stood up and went closer to Emily's sleeping form. He grabbed his cloak from the clothes peg and gently covered the witch with it.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Is this an update? Oh, why, yes it is! Sorry for the long wait.**_

* * *

 **6.**

The trees were still green and the sun was shining but the rays fell different on the ground. Their angle was smaller which meant that the summer was on its way out and autumn was right around the corner. It meant that Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and the Weasley children were planning their return to Hogwarts. And it meant, of course, that Severus Snape was also returning to the school.

Emily was in the library, watching the late-afternoon sunshine and the thought of Severus leaving made her chest ache slightly. It was a bit surprising for her since Snape wasn't someone who was usually missed with his sour demeanour and sharp tongue. Yet, the young witch grown accustomed to him, mainly because since she hexed Sirius, Snape was a friendlier to her – compared to himself, naturally. Emily talked to Dumbledore earlier and they agreed that she should stay in Grimmauld Place and continue to brew potions. With the new schoolyear Professor Snape will have more duties and less time for brewing. The witch was excited, she felt useful and she was proud to be the part of the Order. But those long days alone in the lab… She snorted suddenly: not that Snape was that talkative, still he was there, she could hear him chopping the ingredients, stirring the potions, ruffling through old books. It was comforting.

She smiled, when –

'Miss Graham!'

Emily jumped.

'Severus!' He called her Miss Graham when he was upset.

'I told you to bring down Portentous Potions to the lab. Did you forget to read on your way up?' he drawled from the doorway. Emily blushed and hurried to the bookshelf.

'No, I'm sorry, I just… I zoned out.'

'Zoned out?' he repeated slowly.

'Yes, Muggle term, it means –'

'I know what it means,' he spat. 'I'm merely surprised, usually you don't, ah, zone out.'

The witch smiled a little and stepped closer to him.

'I was thinking about what will happen now that the end of summer is here. Harry and the other kids go back to school. And you leave as well…'

There was a strange glint in Snape's eyes and with a slow move he went closer to Emily. He stopped half a foot from her.

'Why, Emily, you don't say you will miss me, do you?' he practically purred in a velvety deep voice and he looked deep in her eyes. She cleared her throat.

'Maybe I will,' she said in a whisper. 'A bit,' she added in a hurry. They didn't move for several long seconds then something like a hint of a smile appeared on Severus' face and he took a step back.

'We wasted enough time, there's a lot of work before us. Come, Emily,' he barked in his usual cold tone and left the room. The witch shook her head and with a sly smile followed her mentor.


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Smut in this chapter.**_

* * *

7.

'Oh, Merlin, yes… Fuck… Right there…'

Emily panted, her naked body slick with perspiration, writhing on a bed and man between her legs. Her body shook violently and she moaned, burying her fingers in her lover's hair. She smiled.

'Come here,' she whispered. The man smiled back at her and slid further up her body and kissed her passionately. With a slow thrust of his hips he entered her and they both moaned.

It began a few hours before, in the Leaky Cauldron.

~0~

Emily was done with shopping but didn't want to go back to Grimmauld Place. It wasn't the same without Severus' presence. She missed him very much and it stressed her out. It wasn't her intention to fall in love with him but you can't choose who will steal your heart. The rain was falling hard and the October air was chilly so Emily decided to go in the Leaky Cauldron for nice warm butterbeer – it always made her feel better.

She sat down to a table and got lost in her thoughts when a familiar voice called her name. She looked up at the man standing before her and her heart jumped a little.

'Daniel!'

'Hello, Emily, how are you?'

'I'm fine, thank you. Would you like to sit down?'

'I don't want to disturb you…'

'Nonsense. Of course if you're waiting for someone…'

'No, I'm alone here.'

'Just like I am,' she smiled at him and sat down next to her.

'It's been a while,' he said and she nodded.

It's been a while indeed, they haven't seen each other since last winter but their acquaintance was an old one. They've had an on-again, off-again relationship for three years. Emily was in love with Daniel although he didn't love her back. He was attracted to her, he couldn't deny it and he also liked to talk to her and they had a lot of things in common but he didn't fall in love with her. Eventually his fourth break-up with her was his final. Emily was heartbroken and she was upset that he didn't have the gut to tell her in person, instead he wrote a letter. As the years went by, she got over it and she was able to talk to him without wanting to hex him.

They were talking about Daniel's job in the Ministry and Emily's in the Order. He wasn't an official member but he supported the Order giving them some precious insider information. Knowing that they were on the same side and they were both working against the Dark made their conversation easier – they didn't have to hide anything.

After a while, they changed from butterbeer to elf-made wine and Daniel asked The Question Emily was familiar with.

'And… do you have a boyfriend now?'

He only asked this if he wanted to know if the coast was clear.

'No, I'm not seeing anyone now,' she answered even if Snape's face appeared before her eyes. Fifteen minutes later they were in his flat, kissing and hastily shedding their clothes but not before Emily sent a message to Sirius telling him that she won't be home for the night.

It wasn't love making, it was sex. It was about lust and need. It took time for the witch to forget Severus for the night. She needed distraction and if it came in the form of sex the better. Daniel was tall and lean, just like Snape's but he had brown hair, brown eyes and also had permanent stubble on his face. His voice was deep but not as deep as the Potions Master's. All in all, Emily found Daniel handsome and attractive. Moreover having sex with someone you already knew was easy: he knew how to move his tongue over her clit to make her scream and she knew how to lick his dick to make him hiss with pleasure. They already knew how the other looked naked, there was no need to be shy. Their kisses and touches were familiar, like when you walk a road you've known for a long time.

It was well after midnight when they were finally exhausted and didn't have the strength to have sex one more time. After they cleaned up themselves, Daniel fell asleep immediately, spooning her from behind. Emily didn't mind it, it wasn't the embrace of a lover even if they were both naked. It was about giving comfort, to distract themselves from the outside world just for one night and the witch welcomed it. Without saying out loud, they both know that this was a one-time thing, when the morning arrives they go back to their relatively normal life.

Emily sighed and scooted closer to the young wizard, his arm rested on her waist, his breath tickled her neck. Before she fell asleep, she imagined that arm and breath belonging to someone else, to a certain dour wizard with piercing black eyes and velvety baritone.


	8. Chapter 8

**8.**

It was one hell of a Christmas. With the attack on Mr Weasley the spirit of the holiday was slightly breached. Emily spent a few times at home in Devon with her family then went back to Grimmauld Place to work on potions. She wasn't alone in the house with Sirius and Kreacher since the Weasleys, Harry Potter, and Hermione Granger were there too but the young witch didn't talk to them much. She was a bit sad that she didn't see Severus Snape for weeks.

She was working for hours when she decided that she needed a hot cup of tea. She took the dark and narrow stairs which led up from the basement to the first floor and when she reached the kitchen, she heard loud voices. It was Sirius and another male. Severus! They were shouting at each other and Emily opened up the door with a rush. Then she saw the two wizards pointing their wands into each other's faces, Harry standing between them.

'What the hell is going on?', Emily cried and then the three men looked towards her. 'Are you out of your minds?'

'Go away, Emily,' said Sirius. 'This is none of your business.'

'I'm not going away,' she snapped. 'Put your wands down. How old are you both, 14?'

'Miss Graham, go to the lab,' Snape hissed. Emily was now furious.

'Expelliarmus!' she said and a second later she held Snape's and Black's wands in her hand. The two wizards turned to her, their face red with anger. Harry was a bit amused. 'I'll give them back if you swear to behave.'

After several long moments, Snape cracked the silence.

'Six o'clock, Monday evening, Potter,' and he left the kitchen in a hurry shoving away Emily in the doorway. The witch threw Sirius' wand at him and followed Snape. He had already left the house so she had to run. Eventually, she reached him at the park across the house from where the Order members usually Disapparated.

'Severus, wait!'

The wizard stopped and turned around with an angry sneer on his face.

'What the hell do you want now?'

Emily was irritated.

'I just wanted to give back your wand but if you're going to behave like an ass, I can break it in two.'

Snape looked down, his hair hiding his face. When he looked up, his face was neutral as usual.

'I apologize. I was angry at Potter and Black, I shouldn't have been rude to you. After all, you've done excellent work with the potions in the last few months.'

'How…?' asked Emily surprised.

'I was checking on the potions you made for the Order and St. Mungo's. Dumbledore's order.'

'Dumbledore wanted to know if the potions I make are fit for human consumption?'

Snape nodded.

'However, I have to go so if you could give me back my wand…'

Emily handed him his wand but before he could Disapparate she grabbed his arm. He looked at her quizzically.

'I miss you,' she blurted out. 'I mean… It's kind of dull to work alone. And… I learned a lot from you… I wish you could.' She blushed furiously and stepped back from him. His face was impassive but his eyes examined her. He cleared his throat.

'Unfortunately I don't have the time to spend it here and I don't see any possibility for it in the future.' When he saw Emily's face, he added in an uncertain voice. 'However, I appreciate your… enjoyment and… I must admit, I have found it quite satisfactory to with work you as well.'

Emily's heart jumped in her chest and she smiled at him. A second later he disappeared with a crack.


	9. Chapter 9

**9.**

The house was quiet. No movements in the halls, no crackling sounds in the fireplaces, no voices coming from the drawing room. Grimmauld Place looked abandoned. However, if a witch or a wizard would have cast a Homenium Revelio, they could have seen a lone person sitting in the potions lab in the basement.

Emily Graham sat on a high chair drawing circles with her pointer finger on the desk absent minded. She didn't hear it when the door opened and a tall, dark figure stepped in.

'I've heard you're going away,' Snape drawled and the witch jumped in her seat.

'Severus, hello!' she turned towards him but didn't stand up. The wizard stepped closer and stopped in front of her, on the other side of the desk. 'Yes, I need to take a break from…' she waved her hand 'all of this. I Flooed Hogwarts to ask for your permission but I couldn't reach you.'

'I was – ah – away, on business.'

'Yes, Dumbledore told me. He said that the Order can do without me for a while.'

Snape nodded, his face emotionless.

'Is it because of Black?'

Emily sighed.

'Mostly. I know you didn't like him,' Snape arched an eyebrow at that, 'and he wasn't my best friend either but I practically lived with him for almost a year. I've grown accustomed to him. And after I hexed him,' there was a tiny flicker of smile on Severus' face, 'his behaviour got more civilized.' The witch turned her head down.

'I won't pretend that I will miss him,' the wizard said in a low voice, 'I'm a lot of things but not a hypocrite.' Then he added, 'When do you leave?'

'Today. I already packed my stuff, I just wanted to sit down a bit.'

'Are you going to visit your family?'

'Yes, we haven't seen each other for a while. I miss them.'

Snape nodded again and took a step towards the door.

'Severus, do you think we can stay here? I mean, the Order. Now that Sirius's gone…'

'I don't know who inherits the house but I'm sure Dumbledore is already working on the solution and he will notice you.'

'Right,' Emily nodded and stood up. 'Well then,' she cleared her throat, 'good-bye. See you in August, I think.'

Snape stepped out of the laboratory and headed towards the stairs.

'Take care, Emily,' he whispered when he was sure she was out of earshot.


	10. Chapter 10

10.

The house was just as quiet as it was when she left at the end of June. Kreacher was there of course, somewhere, snivelling over that Half-Bloods and Muggleborns were constant guests in the ancient house of the Pureblood Blacks. Emily didn't like Kreacher, nobody did and since her mother was a Muggle, it meant that the elf didn't respect her very much. Emily never looked for Kreacher's company, she only summoned him if she didn't have any other choice. During the time she lived at Grimmauld Place, she cooked herself and cleaned the rooms she used.

After Dumbledore told her that Harry Potter allowed the Order to use Grimmauld Place as their headquarter, she went back in an instant. It was nice to spend some time at home with her parents but their constant fussing – even if it was because they loved her – made her going crazy. During the day she won't have company but there'll be Order-meetings in the evenings and she won't have to feel alone. And of course, she couldn't wait to continue her work with Severus Snape. She had time to think about her feelings about him and she had to accept that she had a crush on him. Emily didn't understand it at first because Snape wasn't nice or attractive. While working in the solitude of the lab, once or twice he showed that he had a dark sense of humour and Emily liked it very much. And naturally, he was very intelligent, a living and breathing library. But what she really found mesmerizing, it was his deep, silky baritone which made her feel relaxed and – she didn't want to confess to herself – turned on at the same time.

On her first night back, Emily wasn't able to fall asleep. She didn't tell Severus when she was coming back, she planned to owl him the next day. She didn't dare to hope that he was also happy to see her again. The witch turned to her left side praying that sleep will finally come when she heard a noise: closing of the front door.

Strange, she thought, no one told her that they will come tonight. It was well past midnight. Emily grabbed her wand and listened. The person was walking very slowly in the hall towards the kitchen. It can't be a Death Eater, the house is warded. Yet, she felt her heartbeat quickening. She left her room and crept downstairs. The visitor was in the kitchen, the door slightly open. The witch lifted her wand, took a deep breath and practically jumped through the doorway.

'What are you doing here?' she asked the man sitting at the table with his back towards her. She pointed her wand at him wanted to tell him to turn around when she realized who it was.

'Severus!'

She stepped closer to him. The wizard sat hunched on a chair, breathing heavy, and his face hidden behind his black lank hair.

'You okay?' she asked sitting down beside him. He nodded slightly.

It was then when she realized that he was bleeding. There at least a dozen small gashes all over his torso, some of them still bleeding. His clothes were torn and bloody.

'Merlin, what happened to you?'

'Death Eater meeting,' he replied with a groan.

'You're bleeding.'

'That's not uncommon. It will stop. Go back to bed.'

'I won't go back to bed! Not before I helped you.'

'There's no need to help,' he snapped at her though his voice was weak. 'This is not the first time I was injured and I am completely capable of tending my wounds. Now, leave.'

'You can be really such an asshole,' Emily murmured before she realized what she had said. Snape finally looked at her with what seemed a ghost of a smile.

'It was time for you to realize it.'

The witch rolled her eyes.

'Come, let's get you upstairs,' she said and motioned to help him up.

'I can walk. Alone.' Slowly he got up. 'And I can go home.'

'I know you can but you don't have to.'

He was standing now, his hands grasping the table.

'I don't need –'

'My pity, I know. I'm not pitying you, I just want to help you,' she said with a soft voice. 'Please…'

He sighed and nodded. She smiled at him.

'I'm going to fetch some potions for you. The first room on the right on the first floor is cleaned and there are fresh sheets on the bed.'

'I won't stay here for the night,' he said and left the kitchen.

Five minutes later Emily joined him in the room. He was sitting on the bed, clearly in pain. She put down two vials on the nightstand and held a third one.

'Pain-relief Potion, Dreamless Sleep, and' she held up the salve in her hand, 'Dittany.'

'I can manage it from here. Thank you. Good night,' Severus said not looking at her.

'There are wounds on your back. You can't reach them.'

'Emily, enough!' He wanted to stand up but suddenly a seizure shook his body and he groaned.

'Severus?'

His skin glistened from sweat.

'It's the… the Cruciatus. Aftereffect.'

'Is there –'

'No, it needs a special potion. We don't have it here.' His voice was weak again and he was panting.

She sat down next to him.

'Then at least let me help you with your wounds.'

After several long seconds, when he didn't say anything, Emily put down the Dittany on the bed and reached for his cloak. Snape looked at her with a shock.

'What the hell are you doing?'

'I help you to take of your clothes. I can't use the Dittany when I can't see the wounds fully.'

Snape wanted to retort but another seizure stopped him. It was shorter than the previous one but just as unpleasant. Emily touched him again and this time he didn't pull away. Carefully they removed his cloak, frock coat, and shirt. The witch dropped them on the floor, later she would clean them. Severus didn't look at her, his head was down, his hair hiding his face again.

'I'll start with your back,' she said in a low voice, fully aware of the intimacy of the situation. Severus moved a little so his back was towards her. Emily was glad he didn't see her face when she looked at his back. It was full of scars, old ones, silvery lines crisscrossing on his skin. It didn't repulse her.

After using a cleansing charm she saw that the bleeding stopped. With cautious movements she applied the Dittany on the wounds. He hissed. A minute later she finished with his back and told him to turn around. She hoped that he won't notice that her face was flushed and her breathing erratic. His head wasn't hung low anymore yet he didn't look at her. His torso was thin and lean but those billowing robes hid muscles too. There were fewer wounds on his pale, slightly hairy chest but they were deep. While Emily worked on them, leaning close to Severus, she could feel his breath on her face. Touching his chest was more intimate than touching his back. For a fraction of a second she imagined how his skin would feel against her naked body.

'I'm finished,' she said and lifted her head. He was looking at her, his face only inches from hers. Until now, she didn't saw his eyes so closely. They weren't really black, they were in fact very dark brown. His gaze was so intense, it burned. Emily looked at his lips. She always thought they were thin but now that his mouth wasn't tightened, they looked full. The witch opened slightly her mouth and lifted her eyes. He was looking at her lips.

Abruptly a third, slight spasm shook Severus' body and Emily realised that her hand was still on his chest. She pulled back her hand and stood up with a jump.

'I'll clean your clothes so you… you can… wear them tomorrow,' she said without looking at him. 'Drink you potions and if you need anything, I'll be in the room just right across the hall. Good night,' she spluttered and left the room in a hurry.

When she went back to his room half an hour later his now clean clothes in her hand, Severus was asleep. When she woke up in the morning, he already left without a word.


	11. Chapter 11

**11.**

The Muggle things in Emily's life had two purposes.

First, to help her remain a down-to-earth person not to be carried away with the knowledge she was a witch.

Second, to remind her of her Muggle upbringing. Her dearest Muggle things were – besides books most of her wizard and witch friends never heard of – chocolates.

Of course, she knew how wonderful the sweets at Honeydukes were, she really loved their Chocoballs filled with delicious strawberry mousse, yet, when she needed comfort, nothing made her feel better than Cadbury Crème Egg, her Muggle grandparents' traditional gift for her every Easter. They already passed away a few years before but Emily made sure to remember them with this seasonal delicacy. She stocked up on the stuff to last all year long and had a secret stash in her Grimmauld Place bedroom, too. When she felt frustrated or stressed out, she popped one egg in her mouth.

She brought a package to the library when she was reading books Snape gave to her; when she sat down in the kitchen to have a cup of tea; when she had a particularly hard day spending in the lab. Once or twice she offered the snack to Snape but he refused.

Snape. Severus. It's been already 4 days since the last time she saw him. He arrived to the Headquarters in the middle of the night, injured. She cleaned him up, helped with his wounds and he left while she slept. Since then he hasn't been to Grimmauld Place, didn't send an owl, nothing. Dumbledore told Emily that Snape was busy. The witch continued their work alone.

She sighed and enjoyed how the chocolate egg was melting on her tongue. It was already midnight, she was lying on her bed. The bedroom was dark except the orange streetlight that trickled through the curtains. Suddenly, Emily heard a faint sound coming from the hall, a creak of the floorboard. She sat up and hurried to the door but when she opened it and looked around, saw nothing. With a sigh she started to move back in her room when she noticed a small package on the threshold. She picked it up and pulled off the brown wrapping paper.

She was holding in her hand several packages of Cadbury Crème Egg. There was a small parchment attached to the package with a familiar spidery writing on it:

 _Thank you._

 _SS_


	12. Chapter 12

12.

Usually, Emily didn't mind the rain. She liked to walk in the rain with an umbrella above her head, taking deep breaths, filling her lungs with the fresh and humid air. She liked to listen to the rain sitting in front of the fire and reading a good book.

However in the last few months she couldn't enjoy the rain. She couldn't enjoy anything. Mostly she was alone at the Headquarters, working in the lab or studying defensive magic. She didn't see Severus for months now and she missed him terribly.

So when she woke up on that October morning, she just groaned when she heard the raindrops pattering on the window. With lazy movements she washed her face, dressed and went downstairs. After a light breakfast, she headed to the lab facing another boring workday. A minute later she realized this day would be different.

'Severus!' she gasped when she saw the dark wizard looming over a cauldron.

'Good morning, Emily' he replied without looking up. 'It is already past 9, I thought, if I'm not mistaken, we used to start working at 8.'

The witch gaped.

'I… how…'

He turned around slightly and arched an eyebrow.

'Okay, I'm starting to brew' she murmured and took her stand at the desk. Snape turned back to his cauldron so he didn't see the wide smile on Emily's face.

After a long day of work, Emily put down her ladle and stretched her back. They didn't talk more than a few words all day.

'I'm finished, Severus' she said with a yawn.

He made a movement with his wand and put a stasis charm on his potion.

'You may go to sleep, Emily. You've been working hard all day, good night' he said with a surprisingly soft voice. He didn't look at her but started to put away the remnants of the ingredients. Emily moved towards the door but before she could open the door, she turned around.

'Severus,' she said after she cleared her throat. The wizard stopped his movements and looked at her.

'Yes?'

She came up to him, stood on her tiptoes and kissed him on his cheek. Before pulling away fully, she whispered 'Happy Halloween' in his ear. A moment later she was already in the hallway leaving a totally flabbergasted Snape in the lab.


	13. Chapter 13

**13.**

Emily spent the night of Hallowe'en wide awake, she couldn't stop thinking about the kiss she gave to Snape. Yes, it was only a small peck on his cheek but for a second or two she could feel his smooth and warm skin, and her nose was full of his scent which was a delicate mixture of herbs and something masculine. Her own face was flushed when she left the lab, her heart beating so hard she was afraid her chest would explode. However, she felt relieved. Now that she did it, she realized that she wanted to kiss Snape for a while now.

Her happiness faded away during the next weeks. Snape didn't go to Grimmauld Place, according to Dumbledore, "Professor Snape has a lot of things on his sleeves, I'm afraid". And why would Dumbledore lie to her? Still, Emily wasn't sure that the reason of Severus' absence was entirely the fault of his busy schedule. Maybe that kiss was too much. He was a very private person after all, he didn't socialize with others. He never hugged anyone, not even the persons he knew for decades. As Christmas was approaching, Emily slowly convinced herself that she screwed it up: she pushed away Snape.

On 23rd December, the members of the Order assembled in the drawing room of the Black House for their last meeting before the holidays. Emily stayed in the back, she didn't have anything to report and she was in a pretty bad mood. All she wanted to do to go home after the meeting, her trunk was already packed. Going home to Devon to her family, taking long walks on the beach – these were the only things she could think of.

Not long after the meeting has started the door opened and a tall, dark figure stepped in the room.

'Excuse me, Albus' Snape said in a soft voice.

'It is quite alright, Severus, take a seat', the older wizard replied with a kind smile. The only place left was right next to Emily and when she realized Snape was going to sit down there, she felt her face burning. Snape nodded at her and sat down. He didn't look at her, he was watching Dumbledore who was talking about the plans for the next year.

Emily could barely hear the Headmaster's voice. Severus was there, she could feel his body heat, if she would have moved her left leg only a few inches, she could've brushed it to Snape's thigh. But she didn't. She sat there with a stiff back and fast-paced heartbeat.

At the end of the meeting the witches and the wizards wished each other a happy holiday and moved to leave the room. Emily tried to do it to until a deep, familiar voice murmured in her ear, 'Emily, for a word please'. She nodded, waited for the last person to leave and turned back to Snape.

'Yes, Severus?'

Without saying anything, Snape took out a small parcel from under his travelling cloak and handed it to the witch. She took it with a frown.

'What is this?'

'Maybe if you remove the wrapping paper, you'll find out,' he replied with a sneer.

She rolled her eyes but tore up the wrapping.

' _Confronting the Faceless_. Isn't this a Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook?'

'It is. It was published last year. You're now an – ah – more than passable brewer but according to my knowledge about your home schooling, there are some topics you didn't cover with your tutors.'

'We did cover DADA.'

He made an impatient move with his hand.

'Only the basic spells. There's much more you'll need if… If things are going to get more serious. And they will.'

Emily opened the book and leafed through the table of contents. She was impressed.

'Thank you, Severus,' she smiled at him, 'but I don't know when can I give this back to you.'

He looked puzzled.

'You don't have to give it back to me.'

'Are you giving this to me?'

He nodded.

'Oh! That is very nice of you! But I… I don't have anything to you.'

'Why do you have to give anything to me?' he asked slowly.

'Because… This… Isn't this? I mean, it's Christmas, and you gave me this book…' Her face was burning up.

After several seconds she saw the recognition on Snape's face.

'This is not a Christmas present,' he said with an odd voice. 'I wanted to give this to you earlier but I had other things to do.'

Emily wished the floor would swallow her once and for all.

'Sorry, I was being stupid.' She couldn't look at him, her eyes were on the book. 'I have to go now but thank you again. That is very nice of you, Severus.'

'You're welcome.'

She turned around and headed for the door but stopped when she heard his voice again.

'Are you going home?'

She looked at him with a smile.

'Yes. I'm planning to take long walks to clear my mind.' And before she could stop herself, she blurt out something she thought she would never dare. 'There is a place not very far from my village where you can find the best aconite in Britain. They say it is because of the salty air. At New Year's Eve, there will be full moon. The best time to gather aconite root.' She cleared her throat. 'I plan to go there. You can join me, if you want. It would be nice.'

Seeing Snape's face, she shuffled closer to the door.

'Sorry, bad idea. Forget it. I… thank you again for the book, happy holidays, see you in the next year,' she muttered.

'I would like to join you,' Severus said in a hushed voice. Emily turned back and saw that he was only a step away from her. 'But I have to go now. Send me the details through owl.'

The witch nodded and the wizard left the room without another word. He couldn't see the brilliant smile that lit up Emily's face.


	14. Chapter 14

**14.**

It was a crisp winter night with an inch of snow all over the ground, not the kind of weather you would sit outside on a bench in the middle of the night. But if you happen to be a witch or a wizard and you can cast warming charms around a bench placed on a hill by the seashore in Devon, you won't be bothered by the cold. Quite the opposite, you would be mesmerized by the reflection of the full moon on the surface of the water.

This is what Emily Graham felt when she was sitting on a bench with a tall, dark quiet wizard not far from her childhood home. There were small bags next to them full of aconite roots which they gathered in the last few hours. Severus Snape arrived shortly after 8 in the evening through the floo in the house of the Grahams and they headed immediately to the hills and the woods around the village where the young witch knew some good places for finding aconite. Emily's mother packed hot chocolate for them and she spiked it with a little whiskey, "It's New Year's Eve, after all, even if you work tonight", she said and smiled at Severus. He didn't smile but nodded and murmured a "thank you". With their work done and after walking around the woods for hours, Emily proposed to take a break before going home.

'I told you this is a nice place,' she said sitting on the bench sipping her hot chocolate. It filled her with warmth but not only the drink made her skin burn despite the freezing air all around them. Thanks to the presence of Snape, her heart wanted to break out from her ribcage and her stomach were full of pixies.

'It is very impressive,' he replied finishing his chocolate.

After this brief exchange, they sat in silence, a small smile on the witch's face, a calm and composed look on Snape's. They didn't talk much during the night but it didn't bother Emily. It was nice to spend some time with him outside of Grimmauld Place. Several minutes later, somewhere in the distance, church bells started ringing. Emily turned to Severus.

'It is midnight,' she said. He turned to look at her as well.

'Indeed. I wish you a happy new year, Emily.'

'Happy new year, Severus.'

Exactly one second later Emily found herself kissing Severus. It's hard to say who was the first to move, maybe they did it simultaneously. She buried her hands in his silky black strands, he put his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. She gasped when crushed into his chest and he deepened the kiss pushing his tongue through her soft lips. For several long minutes they didn't care about the impending war, about the daily perils in their lives, about Voldemort (and Dumbledore). It was only them, on a bench on the seashore in Devon, in the moonlight. Kisses, tongues, delicate and passionate touches, heated gasps.

Severus was the one who stopped the kiss and pulled back his arms. Emily leaned back on the bench and saw him looking at the sea. She couldn't see it in the moonlight but she was sure they both were blushing.

'This cannot be repeated,' Severus said finally in a cold voice.

She turned her gaze to the sea.

'Then why did you agree to come here tonight?'

When he didn't reply, she continued.

'You had to know why I asked you to come here.'

'I did,' he said after a long silence.

'You had to know how I feel about you.'

'I did.'

'I thought… I thought you care about me.' Her voice was only a whisper.

'I do,' he replied in an equally low voice.

She snorted and looked at him.

'When did you decide that nothing can happen between us?'

After a deep sigh, he turned to her.

'Yesterday.'

'So you came here, knowing what I feel and yet, you didn't do anything to stop me kissing you. On the contrary, you were quite… enthusiastic about it.'

His face was emotionless.

'It was a mistake.'

'Yeah… it was.' With that she stood up and left him alone on the bench. The effects of the warming charm already wore off but he didn't bother to cast another one. It was almost dawn when he disapparated.


	15. Chapter 15

**15.**

'Are you sure you don't want to stay at your parents' house?'

'No, Remus, I'm good.'

'Won't you feel lonely?'

'I want to be alone. I love my parents, really, but they can be a bit… overwhelming.'

The wizard nodded and Emily smiled weakly.

'Go home to your wife, she needs you too.'

'You're going to be alright?'

'Yes. These past months were terrible and especially…' she choked on her words and buried her head in her hands. Remus Lupin sat down next to her on the sofa and put an arm around her shoulders.

'It's okay,' he murmured.

'No, it's not. How could he…? I thought that okay, he is a bit weird and aloof but then again he showed me that he cared about me. And then he does this…'

'We didn't know either that he was capable to do this, and we've known him for decades. It is not your fault.'

'I feel so stupid, Remus. I'm such a very stupid woman.'

'No, you're not. Don't talk like this!'

'But I am! I fell – I mean I liked someone who is… who is a murderer. He just… he just killed Dumbledore.' Emily sobbed and started to cry again. It wasn't an odd thing to do on the day of Albus Dumledore's funeral. 'He was nice to me, I mean on his own way. He knew about my favourite sweets.'

'Did he, now?'

The witch nodded.

'One time he gave a big pack of Cadbury Créme Eggs because I… because I helped him after he came back from a Death Eater meeting injured. He had blood all over his body. He looked awful. I was terrified. I helped a murderer.'

Lupin flexed his jaw and turned Emily towards him.

'Don't do this to yourself. You helped him because you felt it was right. It is not your fault how Snape turned out to be in the end. Do you understand?' He looked deeply in her eyes.

'Yes,' she croaked.

'Good.'

'Go home, Remus, I'll be alright.'

'You're sure?'

'I'm sure.'

Remus stood up and Emily walked him to the front door.

'Thank you for the Wolfsbane potion again. You're an excellent potioneer,' he said with a smile.

'I'm glad I could help. Good night and take care of yourself and Tonks.'

'Will do. Good night and if you anything, just floo us.'

Emily hugged him and then he left. With a big sigh, the witch went back to the living room. The old cottage of her late grandparents was now her new home. It seemed like yesterday when she was rudely woken up by Mad-Eye Moody saying that Hogwarts was attacked by Death Eaters and Dumbledore was dead. He urged her to leave Grimmauld Place because it wasn't safe anymore. She packed her things in a hurry, she didn't even change out of her pyjamas and flooed her parents. It was only then when she was sitting in their living room sipping on tea that she could comprehend what Moody has said: Dumbledore died.

The next shock came a day later when she was told that Severus Snape killed him. Emily was consumed by pain and she almost lost her mind. The man she adored was a cold hearted murderer. Their kiss on New Year's Eve seemed a century ago. After that night, they barely talked and if they had to it, it was only Order-related.

She needed a place where she could recover and the cottage seemed perfect. It wasn't very far from her parents' house but it was far enough not to be bothered by their frequent visits. It was a Muggle household but Emily didn't mind it, quite the opposite.

Attending Dumbledore's funeral was hard. She knew she had to do it out of respect but being in Hogwarts hurt so much. The place which was home to Severus… And the loss of Dumbledore – she didn't wanted anything but feel the presence of Snape to make her feel better until she realized that he is the cause of the pain. Thankfully, Lupin was there and he helped her. After the funeral, he apparated them to the cottage, he needed his monthly Wolfsbane potion anyway. It was the first batch Emily made all by herself. She was nervous about it but she did a really good job. Snape would have been proud of her. Not that he would tell it to her.

It was already past midnight and Emily decided it was time to go to sleep, or at least to lie in her bed. She turned towards the bedroom when she heard a loud crack from the fireplace. In a flash she pulled out her wand of her pocket and turned around.

'What the fuck…' she murmured.

She saw a bird perched on the armchair by the fair. But it wasn't a common bird, its feathers were colourful, it was bigger than an eagle and had a very intelligent look in its face. Emily gasped because she couldn't believe her eyes.

'What is a phoenix doing in my house?'


	16. Chapter 16

**16.**

It wasn't yet a month ago that she left but it felt like she never did. There was only a light sheen of dust on the table, on the various bottles and jars. The lab at Grimmauld Place felt like home for Emily. She even missed Kreacher a bit but not so much that she would look for him. However, her arrival to the house was quite unpleasant when a ghost-like figure rose from the floor. The witch wanted to shriek when she saw that it was a creepy replica of Albus Dumbledore but she couldn't because of some mysterious force made her tongue stick to her palate for a few seconds. She breathed heavily when the whole experience was over and headed to the lab.

She pulled out a parchment of her pocket and put it down on the table right next to her wand, sat down on a high chair and waited. She was nervous, her stomach was in a knot, and her heart beat like crazy. But she had to do this.

After several minutes she heard the front door opening, footsteps in the hall, on the stairs, at the door…

'Hello, Severus,' she said with a cheeky smile when Snape stepped in the lab.

'Miss Graham,' he replied with a sneer.

The witch raised her eyebrows.

'I thought we were on a first name basis.'

'I thought you wouldn't want to be on a first name basis with a Death Eater who could easily kill you.'

'Your intention to kill me doesn't depend on the way I call you. You could kill me right now. See, my wand is on the table.'

He didn't move from his spot at the door.

'I am disappointed. I never suspected that you were a careless Gryffindor deep down.'

She chuckled lightly.

'I know that you won't harm me, Severus.'

'And why are you so sure? I just killed one of the biggest wizards of the world. Casting the Killing Curse on you would be a very easy task.'

'You are not evil, Severus, we both know that.'

'Not that I'm not enjoying this chit-chat, but is there a reason you requested a meeting with me? I have other things to do.'

'I just told you the reason. I know you're still on our side.'

Snape rolled his eyes.

'I don't have time for this nonsense. This time I will let you run away without harm but don't ever try to contact me, foolish girl.'

He almost stepped out of the room, when she spoke again.

'Dumbledore told me.'

He froze, the turned back to her. His face was emotionless but the fact that he stopped his movements proved that she was hitting on a spot.

'Before you say anything, I know that he is dead. '

'Please don't tell me that his ghost visited you.'

She smiled slightly.

'No, it didn't. But his familiar did.'

'Fawkes?'

'Yes, the phoenix. He appeared in my living room carrying a letter, right after Dumbledore's funeral. There's the letter.' She motioned her head towards the table. 'Go on, read it.'

He narrowed his eyes.

'Is this the part when the letter is a portkey which will take me to the Order so they can get revenge?'

'First, it is common knowledge that since your evil boss took over the ministry, not a single witch or wizard who could be connected to the Order by the thinnest of threads is allowed to create a portkey. Second,' she said with a tremble in her voice looking deep in his eyes, 'I would never betray you.' She cleared her throat. 'Of course you can check it yourself with detecting charms.'

He didn't. Instead, Severus stepped closer to the table and picked up the parchment. Emily watched him reading and she swore he looked paler when he reached the end and looked up at her.

'This is it?' His voice was bored but the witch wasn't convinced.

'Isn't it enough? _"Dear Miss Graham, when this letter will reach you, I already left this world, in one way or another. If my calculations are right, as Muggles say, a dear colleague of mine will be held responsible of my death. I'm afraid, those accusations will be true. However, it will be only one side of the truth. The other side, I cannot reveal but I am convinced that you will be able to discover it soon. What you have to do is to listen to your heart, it is the most reliable compass you can have on this journey we call life. Trust your instincts and stand by them whom you care about. They will need you."_ I know it now by heart.'

'And this… hotchpotch convinced you that I'm innocent? I thought you had more sense.'

Emily stood up and moved closer to him, looking in his eyes.

'I'm not an idiot. I don't know exactly what happened but I know that there's more to it. You didn't kill Dumbledore because you wanted to but – and I'm quite convinced of that – because you had to. And Dumbledore was aware of that.'

She pulled out another parchment under her cloak.

'I wrote down the directions to the cottage where I live now.' She put it down on the table and pocketed her wand. 'I won't seek you out again. I'm here for you, Severus, but only if you want. You can come to my house anytime you want. You can talk to me, you can drink with me, or you can sit in silence on my sofa, I don't care. The ball is in your court now: do you want to be alone in this huge pile of shit, or you'll set aside your stupid pride and let me help you?'

She waited a few seconds and when he didn't answer, she left the lab.


	17. Chapter 17

**17.**

It was a particularly chilly September evening with rain and fog, although Emily didn't notice it because she spent the whole day brewing potions for the Order and for St. Mungo's. But when she went back to the house at dinner time, she shivered in the cold cottage. She lit the fire in the small living room and heated up some chicken broth. After a hot bath, she dressed in soft cotton pyjama pants and a warm sweater with fluffy kittens all over it, and planned to read in bed, before sleep. However, when she was brushing her teeth, there was a knock on her door. She froze.

'Who the hell is this?' she mumbled. She went to the door when she realized that she was holding her toothbrush not her wand. She summoned it and cleared her throat.

'Who's there?'

'Severus Snape.'

The witch gaped. Severus? She didn't talk to him since they met at Grimmauld Place in July. Emily motioned to open the door but suddenly stopped her movements.

'I have to be sure that you're the real Severus Snape. What… what happened when we went to gather aconite at New Years Eve?'

There was a pause.

'We sat down on a bench at the coast and at midnight we kissed,' she heard him saying. Emily opened the door and let him in.

'Good evening, Emily,' he said and eyed her pyjamas. 'I hope, I didn't come at the wrong time.'

'Hello, Severus. No, I'm very glad that you're here. I thought that you would never come.'

'The past two months were busy for me.'

'Oh, yes. Congratulations for your new job.'

He ignored this and looked around instead.

'So this is now where you live?'

'Yes, it was the house of my Muggle grandparents.'

'It looks nice.'

'It's not much but I like it. Can I get you anything? Tea or wine?'

'Tea would be great, thank you. I would prefer chamomile, if you have some.'

'Of course. You can sit down on the couch by the fire. I'll be here in a minute.'

Severus took off his cloak and did as he was told. Before long, she joined him in the living room with his tea in her hand. When she put it down on the table, she hissed.

'Is there something wrong?' he asked.

'Nothing serious, just a minor injury in my palm.'

'Let me see.'

She took a sit next to him and offered him her left hand. He took it gently in his own ones and she felt like she was shocked by electricity. He saw an angry red wound in her hand.

'How did this happen?'

'I was chopping ingredients when my knife slipped. I put Dittany on the wound but it didn't help, I think it just made it worse.'

'Where is the Dittany?'

'Outside, in the shed where I'm brewing. I'll show you.'

She led him out in the backyard where a small shed made of bricks stood.

'My grandfather was a carpenter,' she said when they stepped in and she switched on the light, 'this was his workshop.'

The worktable ran around the wall, on one side there stood a small platform made out of iron where the cauldrons could be heated. The shelves were full of ingredients and jars.

'I organized the ingredients like we did at Grimmauld Place.' She smiled a little. 'This is my little Grimmauld Place. Err, here's the Dittany.'

Snape took of the lid and smelled the potion.

'It is alright. What did you chop when the incident occurred?'

'Let me see… I think, it was Mandrake root. Yes, it was Mandrake root. Why?'

'The fluids in Mandrake root can cause infection in an open wound and in this special case, the Dittany will make it worse.'

'But it can be healed, couldn't it?'

'You do not need to worry.' He stepped examined the shelves and grabbed a jar. He turned back to her.

'Do you have bandages and gauze?'

She nodded and she rummaged through a drawer.

'Here. They are disinfected, I bought them in a Muggle pharmacy,' she said and sat down. Severus have two jars beside him.

'Powdered Unicorn Horn and Murtlap essence,' he replied and took her hand in his. He was again so gentle that it took Emily's breath away. He sprinkled the Unicorn Horn powder in the wound, then poured Murtlap essence on the gauze and put it on the scar. 'These two combined will help with the inflammation.' With a flick of his wand, he charmed the bandages to her hand and took a step back. 'The bandage can come off after 12 hours. It should be good by then. If not, you should repeat the treatment.'

She smiled at him.

'Thank you, Severus. I can already feel that it's working.'

For several seconds, he looked her deep in the eyes which made Emily blush. Then, suddenly he spoke.

'I think there is a chamomile tea waiting for me.'

'Oh, yes, let's go back inside.'

When an hour later Severus left her house, she felt better than she did in months. He was still aloof as always and not very friendly, but he was interested in what was Emily doing. She talked about her independent studies in DADA based on the book Severus gave her and how she was training in her backyard. She talked about the ways she changed some potions which made them more effective and he was quite impressed. It was almost midnight when he said good-bye.

When Emily lied down in her bed and closed her eyes, she realized that he didn't talk about his life and about how he was. He didn't even tell her why did he came to her house that night. She didn't mind it though because she knew that Severus finally accepted her help. Emily fell asleep with a smile on her face.

* * *

 _A/N: Thank you for the reviews, follows and favorites! I didn't think you would like this fic this much, it makes me very happy!_

 _Yesterday I re-read the chapters, and since I don't have a beta, I found some really embarassing typos. I will repost the chapters ASAP so the Grammar Nazi in me can calm down._


	18. Chapter 18

**18.**

The weather was cold and windy when Severus arrived at Emily's cottage on Hallowe'en night. The witch just arrived back from a walk, she didn't mind the crispy air, quite the opposite, it helped her clear her thoughts. Snape didn't visit her since September, so Emily was very excited to see him. Of course, she didn't show it not to scare him away.

They sat at the small dinner table eating hot onion soup with freshly baked bread. At first, Snape didn't want to eat but the witch snapped at him. 'You are far too thin, Severus, you have to eat something.' The wizard really looked bad, and in the end, he was far too tired to argue with Emily.

'How is school?' she asked tentatively.

'I don't want to talk about it', he replied after a pause.

'Alright.'

'I thought you knew what is happening at the school.'

She looked at him questioningly.

'From Minerva,' he said annoyed.

'We don't talk too much. Did you his husband, Elphinstone?'

'Barely. We were introduced.'

'Elphinstone, or as the family called him, Finn was a wonderful man and they were a very happy couple. We visited them frequently in Hogsmeade with my cousins, Finn always brought us sweets in Honeydukes.' Emily didn't notice that she stopped eating and was staring at a spot on the table smiling. Severus stopped eating too and listened carefully. 'It was fun. And then, right after my 10th birthday, Finn died from a Venomous Tentacula bite. Minerva was the one who found him after she went home from school.

'She was very strong. I can't imagine how much she was hurt but she didn't show it. She cried at the funeral, naturally, but after that she sold their cottage and moved to the castle.'

Emily cleared her throat and continued eating.

'Since then work is her life. She visits us and we talk to each other but not as frequently. Our family isn't very sentimental. Minerva is the younger sister of my grandfather, Malcolm, and they talk every now and then. The other members of the family live in Scotland, we are the only ones who live in Devon.'

He nodded and finished his soup.

'Where are you from, Severus?'

'From the north.'

Emily waited for him to continue.

'Cokeworth, not far from Manchester,' he added reluctantly. 'But I won't talk about my family.'

'Okay. Er, there is pudding too. If you want.'

'It isn't pumpkin pie, is it?'

'No. Don't you like it?'

'I don't like Hallowe'en.'

'Oh. Bad memories?'

He ignored her question.

'What kind of pudding do you have?'

Emily looked a bit hurt but forced on a small smile.

'Chocolate pie. I'm quite good at it.'

* * *

 _ **A/N: I know this was short but I needed a 'filler chapter' before posting some serious stuff in the next chapter ;)**_


	19. Chapter 19

**19.**

" _I'm at your house. I'll wait until midnight if you can come."_

This was the whole text of the letter Emily got by an owl Christmas Eve. She was at her parents, packing up the leftovers when she heard a knock on the window. The plan was to spend the night at her parents and have a proper Christmas morning but Emily couldn't let Severus down. She told her parents that a friend was in need and she have to go to help. She didn't tell them who this friend was, 'it is a secret' but the Grahams had a knowing smile on their faces. She was sure they didn't know it was Severus – they just thought it was a possible suitor for their daughter.

When she arrived to the cottage, she found Snape sitting on the doorstep.

'Why didn't you go inside? For God's sake, it's freezing!'

'I would never go into your house without your permission and I am qualified to cast a warming charm.'

The witch sighed and they stepped in the house.

'You look like shit.'

'Thank you, this is the encouragement I was seeking when I came here,' he sneered.

'Sorry, you're right. Did you eat dinner?'

'I don't eat much these days.'

'You should. You are far too thin, Severus. You are pale and your skin is sallow.'

'That's just my normal skin tone, you should know that.'

Emily shook her head.

'Come, there are a lot of leftovers from the Graham Christmas family dinner.'

'I didn't come here to eat.'

'You came here for help, didn't you?'

He nodded stiffly.

'Right. The first step for you is to eat. You did it once and it didn't kill you.'

Twenty minutes later when he cleared his plate, he leaned back in his chair and raised an eyebrow.

'So, Miss Graham, what is the second step?'

She smiled at him with a glint in her eye.

'Do you trust me?'

He narrowed his eyes but after a minute he murmured a 'yes'. Emily disappeared and when she went back to the kitchen, she smelled faintly like lavender.

'When I'm stressed out, I take a bubble bath. No, please, let me finish. I know you already hate this but trust me, it helps. It's my own concoction and I learned from the best.'

He snorted at that.

'I'll probably regret this but alright.'

The witch led the wizard in the small but cosy bathroom with dark green tiles and a comfortable bathtub which was filled with bubbles and warm, scented water.

'Get in the tub and I'll come back in ten minutes. Don't get out of the tub until I say so.'

Snape was horrified.

'What the hell are you insisting?'

She looked him deep in the eyes and put a hand on his arm.

'Severus, you said you trust me.'

He rolled his eyes.

'Get out. And don't dare to come back sooner than ten minutes.'

Emily giggled and left him alone. He stripped off his clothes, not looking at his body. Too thin, too many scars, too. He stepped in the tub, sat down and leaned back tentatively. At first he didn't dare to admit that it felt really good. It felt fucking good. The temperature was perfect; the scent was relaxing – he felt like he was in a wonderful, warm cocoon. He only realized that the ten minute was up when Emily knocked on the door. She entered the room with a glass jug in her hand and smiled when she saw how relaxed Snape looked.

'Are you going to do anything or you just came back to stare at me?' he asked without opening his eyes. She stepped closer and knelt down right next to the tub.

'Lean forward, Severus' she said softly. She saw his jaw tightening. 'I won't see anything with so many bubbles. Please.' He obeyed. He was so close to her that she felt the warmth of his body and her nose was filled with lavender scent.

'I'm going to wash your hair so don't be surprised.'

'I am already surprised that I am still here.'

'Git,' she replied and conjured warm water in the jug. She put a hand on his forehead and motioned him to tilt his head backward. She wetted his hair, then poured some shampoo in her palm and started to massage his scalp. He jumped a little but after several seconds he started to enjoy it, very much so. Her long and thin fingers were firm and delicate at the same time. He could feel his muscles loosen up and something warm roaming through his body. When he couldn't take it anymore, he moaned in a low voice and hoped that she couldn't hear it. She did but didn't comment on it. Finally, she rinsed his hair and stood up.

'I left you towels and a bathrobe. When you're ready, come to the kitchen. It's the third step.'

He looked at her puzzled.

'I already ate.'

'It's something different.'

When he emerged from the bathroom in the black bathrobe which was big enough to cover him from neck to toe like his usual robes, she was waiting for him in the kitchen. There was a chair in the middle of the room.

'Sit,' she said pointing on the chair. He didn't ask anything; he was too relaxed to do that but raised an eyebrow. Nevertheless, he sat down. Suddenly she ran a comb through his hair.

'I thought you were finished with my hair,' he growled.

'Not completely.' In the next second he saw that she held a scissor in her hand but before she could do anything with it, he grabbed her hand.

'Are you out of your mind?' he hissed.

She was now starting to lose her temper.

'Severus,' she hissed back. After a silent battle, she won the staring contest and he let go off her hand.

'I know that you like your hair long and you like to hide behind it, I won't change that. But your hair is far too long and it doesn't have… any shape.'

He swallowed his comments and let her work on his hair. When he felt a drying charm on his head and she put a mirror in front of him, he couldn't find the words. He looked – he would never say that he looked handsome but she was right, the shorter hair suited him. It was shorter but still longish, the black locks framing his face but his hair looked fuller, healthier.

She put down the scissors and leaned back to the counter.

'So, what do you think?'

He could hear nervousness in her voice. He slowly stood up, put down the mirror and turned to her but didn't say anything. His silence made her edgy.

'Severus? Are you mad at me?'

Instead of replying her, he took two strides and kissed her passionately. When she realized what's happening, she reciprocated the kiss. With a swift move, he lifted her on the countertop while plunging his tongue in her mouth. When he put his hands on her breasts, she moaned and pushed her hips closer to his. He growled and the next moment she felt something cold all over her body: Severus vanished her clothes. _"That sneaky bastard,"_ she thought. She didn't have time to think much though because the wizard took advantage of her nakedness and attacked her breasts with his mouth. She moaned out loud when he licked a nipple and pinched the other one with his fingers. Her whole body was burning and she needed release.

'Severus, please,' she whispered and he knew exactly what she wanted. He spread her legs, bent down and made a long lick through her folds. She gasped and grabbed his hair with one hand, the other one grabbing the edge of the counter top. He licked again and she pushed his head closer to her crotch. She couldn't help but grinding her hips so he had to pin her down with one arm around her waist. When he felt that she was close, he stopped the licking and sucked on her clit. She screamed incoherently, one of her hands grabbing a breast, the other buried in his hair. Her body shook and she arched her back. When she came down from her high, Emily pulled him up in a standing position and kissed him deeply. She moved to undo his robe when he flinched and jerked his left arm.

'Oh, no,' she breathed. 'It's him, isn't it?'

He nodded.

'I have to go.'

Before long he was fully dressed and she was waiting for him at the front door. She wore a bathrobe. Severus caressed her face and gave her a delicate kiss.

'Thank you for everything.' With that he hurried out through the door.

'Merry Christmas, Severus,' she whispered to the empty house.


	20. Chapter 20

**20.**

There was a knock on the door. Emily stirred in her sleep but when she heard another knock, she sat up suddenly. She grabbed her wand and went to the door. She didn't bother to turn on the lights, the fire in the hearth was enough.

'Who's there?'

'It is me. Severus.'

Emily furrowed her brow – the wizard didn't visit her since Christmas and it was already two months ago.

'What did we –'

'The year before last we kissed on New Year's Eve.'

She smiled a little and let him in. Severus looked awful. He was soaked by the icy rain, and even though he didn't seem injured, he dragged his body. Emily cast a warming charm and led him to the fire. The wizard didn't protest.

'What happened?' the witch asked concerned.

'Death Eater raid. I couldn't go back to the castle. Not right now. I didn't want to be alone.'

'Oh, Severus…' Emily scooted closer and hugged him. He didn't hug her back but didn't pull back either. Severus let his head fall on her shoulder and released a sigh. Several minutes later he leaned back and looked at her.

'You were asleep, weren't you?'

'Yes. Usually I sleep at 2 in the night.'

'I apologize, I shouldn't have come', he said getting up from the couch.

'Don't be daft, I'm glad that you're here.' She stood up and took his hand. 'Why don't we go to the bedroom?'

Severus hesitated.

'I don't know if it is a good idea. Now I'm not in the mood for…'

Emily smiled.

'I was thinking about sleeping.' She caressed his face. 'You look like you could use it.'

'Very well,' he replied in a low voice. Emily led him in the bedroom and she stopped by the bed. She turned to him and started to unbutton his frock coat. She felt him stiffen but he didn't say a word. She pulled off the garment from his shoulders then reached for his belt buckle but he grabbed her hand. Emily looked at him confused.

'You want to sleep in your trousers?'

'I won't stay long.'

The witch rolled her eyes but let him be. She crawled in the bed and motioned him to join her. He obliged but didn't lie down.

'Now what?' he asked.

Emily lied down and pulled him closer so his head rested on her chest and one of her arms was around his shoulders. With her other hand she caressed his head, her fingers running through his silky strands of black hair. After a few minutes she felt him relaxing. Severus put an arm around her torso and pulled her closer to him.

'We were at a Muggle family's house tonight', he said slowly. 'A father, a mother and two children, a boy and a girl. We tortured them.' He took a deep breath and released it. 'It was routine. And then – Greyback, the werewolf. The way he looked at the girl - she was around 12 years old. I knew the look in Greyback's eyes. I saw it every time before he raped someone. At least until now he did it to adult women. It seems it wasn't enough anymore.'

Emily felt a lump in her throat but didn't say anything, she let him talk freely.

'I couldn't let him to do it.' His voice broke. 'I couldn't… I had to… I killed her.'

'Oh, Severus…' She pulled him closer and he buried his head in her chest. 'In those circumstances you did the right thing. You ended her suffering.'

'I'm a murderer not a hero.'

'You're a spy who has to do things to do his job. But you're a spy who didn't lose his conscience and that's why you're suffering. Look at me, Severus.'

Slowly, he raised his head. Emily didn't see his face properly in the dark but she was sure that there were tears in his eyes.

'You're a good man in a horrible situation. There aren't many good choices, only bad and worse choices. You choose the bad choice over worse. You did the right thing.' She kissed him slowly and after some hesitating, he kissed her back. After a minute or so, he pulled back.

'Thank you,' he whispered and laid down his head back on Emily's breasts. They were full, and soft but firm, and he wished he could stay there forever.

'Sleep a little, Severus.'

A few hours later the witch stirred in her sleep and when she opened her eyes, it was almost dawn. She looked around and saw that Severus was up and pulling on his coat.

'Do you really have to go?' she asked in a croaked voice.

He finished buttoning and stepped closer to her.

'You know I have to,' he said gently. He kneeled down and kissed her on the mouth. 'Thank you for last night.'

'Anytime.'

Emily hooked her arms around his neck and kissed him passionately. He groaned and pushed his tongue in her mouth which she welcomed eagerly. Severus' hand started wandering on her body, sneaking under her pyjama shirt, stopping on her breast, sensually kneading it. The witch moaned and pushed her chest in his hand.

Suddenly, Severus pulled back.

'I really have to go.'

Emily nodded.

'Of course.'

With one last kiss, Severus stood up and left her bedroom, then the house. The witch sank back in the bed, tears streaming down her face.


End file.
